in sheer ecstasy, we become unaware of where or what we are

Bi-curious is a term used to refer to someone who does not identify as bisexual or homosexual but feels or shows some curiosity in a relationship or sexual activity with someone of the same sex. The term can also apply to a person who generally identifies as homosexual but feels or shows some interest in having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Bisexuality is sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical or romantic attraction to both males and females. It is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation, along with a heterosexual and a homosexual orientation. Individuals who lack a strong sexual attraction to either sex are known as asexual.

So yea, I realised that outta all the uncertainty and curiosity, on average, most people are bi-curious to a certain degree and probably not as bisexual than they thought they were, speaking off all the typical failed bisexual high school/ college experiments.

After watching a couple of recorded videos of personal experiences Youtube, one of which included a black woman talking about how highly bi-curious she was that she would just be so into girls enough do them but not have deep sexual feelings but always craving for them. However, she still admits that she would still prefer guys in the end.

What was more astounding was that I saw a real transgender who thoroughly enjoy fucking both men and women who was being interviewed by Skyy John himself. She or he,( ok maybe Shim) already had her/his boobs done which are just humongous and he/her still has a dick and was wearing a mini skirt when he/she was being interviewed. Worse still, he/she is a porn star! Skyy showed a couple of clips of her which did prove that she had a bit of the air going on but you would definitely suspect that there's something awkward about how too indulged she is in impressing the viewers. (that was from my senses)

It's disgusting to imagine them having sex. (as in transgender) I'm sure there's tons of videos which I have never dared to watch on free random porn websites. (then again, maybe I should for once).

For me to look down on them like that is simply cruel. I understand that they are human beings like any one of us but having a female sex organ on top and a male one at the bottom?! Sex for them must feel like at a whole different experience.

At times, I feel disappointed that I feel so disgusted sometimes and sadder for all those people out there who thoroughly don't accept them and see them as some sort of creature/animal/sinful beings from hell. Then again, what bout drag queens, transvestites, cross dressers, androgyne, girlfags and guydykes? Seems that there's a lotta more to digest than I thought...

following me in shame ever since you sang me a lullaby

We don't get to choose who we are related to nor do we get to have a direct confrontation of detestation towards them or ignore them because we'll still have to face them at least once a year. That's my only option for now, not until maybe I find my other half.

It sickens me how mature we thought an adult should be, could still act as childish as 10 year old. It sickens me to see how ignorant and disabled someone could be given the circumstances that have been independently living without parents and earning their own living for decades. It sickens me more how close to me they could be and yet I can't do anything about it without hurting someone back.

Worse thing is it scares me knowing that I'm not far from tripping and falling so low like that if I take the wrong step or make a wrong turn in life. For choosing or letting go of options placed directly in front of me or even options that are required an extra effort to find out.

I admit, I'm afraid of regrets and making mistakes. I know in a couple of years, even months, everybody will move on. Some will find out that their future paths will be a smooth ride on, some will find short cuts or bumps or even road blocks.

Everybody is will grow up, everybody will move on but even if I'm left behind in the working world, I know it wouldn't matter because I'll be right along them on a different road ahead...

we are all greedy

When is enough ever gonna be enough?

everything

Every time you feel like you want something
or regret something
or wish for something
or yearn for something
or lost something
or envy something
or is still searching for something,

don't give up trying to get it...

but
just don't beat yourself up and feel really bad about it.






We just can't have absolutely EVERYTHING in life

a reason

I use to like feeling useful

I use to like keeping myself occupied, really occupied.

I use to like keeping track on my schedules

I use to like to feel like I'm needed
like I was important to something or someone
to belong somewhere
to have a purpose
to help someone, anyone to feel good about themselves


I need a reason.

I think I'm tired of being a bum.
It's been a long rest

and I thought I was tired of being all the reasons for everything.


something anything just to keep believing
just to keep me breathing for a moment longer
-Travis

so easy so tipsy. so tipsy so easy.

Yesterday they were giving out FREE air brush tattoos...! How cool is that? ;)
The last time I got one I had to pay like S$30-40 dollars just to get a decent sized one.

I wanted to get a few but after asking for more after the second one, the lady kinda indirectly tried to stop me by telling me that she had to do it for the other girl waiting in line first before she can come back to me.
Damn!


































I couldn't really get them on other places on my body because it was held at the student lounge and I felt weird taking out too much clothes because I had so many layers on. LOL
This is so tempting me to get a real one really really soon now.. :P

Our marketing tutor was so nice to let us finish up early to queue up for FREE Nando's too.. :)
I heart my Uni. :)























I was pretty pissed off with my test too. It didn't go as well as I expected and I knew I could have done better if I studied a little harder. :(

Drinking and playing cards all night long to compensate it too. :))
(12 beer bottles, Japanese wine and a deck of cards)*yummy

it should be simple

I wonder why do some people get so attached and take relationships (bf/gf) so seriously even at such an early age.
I'm not saying I don't give a shit about it nor do I take it like its a life and death situation

It seems that from we were kids, the impression waiting for our ever so perfect in every way other half to sweep us off our feet, marry us and have kids and just be one big happy family has always been cemented in our heads for being part of every fairy tale love story which we seem to believe that reality would portray the same image too.

Why are we so serious in finding "THE ONE"?
Why are we so fussy in even choosing "THE ONE"?

If we're 30 years old, I reckon you should be worried but hang on a minute, we're not even 25 yet.

but

Why are we so afraid of getting our hearts broken?
Why must we put guys through a long and torturous test to finally allow them to realize that you're just not that into him?

I realized that if you like somebody, you just like somebody.
Just as simple as that.
You don't have to think too hard unless you really don't know that person too well yet.
So why don't get to know him/her first and not leave him/her waiting.

If he/she doesn't like you back, you can try a little, just a little harder but if things are pretty clear cut, take some time off, then move on...

After all, life's not worth bruiting over someone who didn't like you back. You'll just seem pathetic in the long run and you'll be wasting your time and other opportunities to do so many wonderful things out there.

If you're afraid to love again, you'll never know how amazing it would feel to be loved in return again.

So what if you'll lose them someday? I doubt nothing can replace those breathtaking moments that you had with the other half in the previous times.

being ill = no fun

Lately, I've been pretty busy with tests and assignments ever since the previous trip. Currently down with a bad flu, cough and sore throat and it doesn't seem to get better yet.
I was suppose to donate blood yesterday but I'm too polluted to go for it AGAIN. :(

This week's the Sex It Up week.
They're having lotsa free lunches and events for it and the whole student lounge is decorated with fluffy pink queen size beds and ribbons.
Also, there's like the drag queen show, fake boob and dildo throwing contests, safe sex and sex positions presentations, interviewing a stripper, tattoos, speed dating and tons more. Seems really interesting right?

Thursday night's gonna be the Fetish Party too. I really wanna go check it out but I doubt I can being in the state that I am in right now.. sobs

great ocean road

Past few days we took the V/Line Train to go all the way to Warrnambool where the Great Ocean Road is.

We rented a big beach house which fitted the 16 of us. I think there were about 8-9 bedrooms and 3-4 bathrooms.
We had bbq and booze which wasn't enough.
We stayed for 3 days and 2 nights.

Most of the time it was just lotsa sightseeing, enjoying the beach, played soccer until I fractured the joint which connects my 4th baby toe to my foot and did tons of walking/ limping.. :)

margaritas, strippers & the city

Yesterday we had a BIG brunch.
Pancakes with butter, honey and strawberries (made from scratch), eggs with mushrooms, bacon and sausages.
It was so good! We started cooking at 10am plus until 12.
We had a couple of friends over for our feast too and we were all so stuffed up until dinner.

That night we went to the city to Taco Bill where they have giant margaritas for 1/2 the price from 5-7pm(happy hour). Drinking so much made us felt so dizzy.. It tasted so good. At first it just tasted like juice but after a while you can start tasting the tequila. *Yummy!
After that we went to Spearmint Rhino Gentlemans Club which was a strip club.
It wasn't like a dodgy place or anything. It's pretty high end like those strip clubs that Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck goes to.
(secretly took this)

In the middle of the club was a stage and pole where the strippers continuously take turns to dance and slowly strip around.
There were other strippers who were on the floor bugging the audience for a lap dance and all. Most of them were pretty good looking but only some had really hot bodies.
There was this stripper that kept bugging Han and I for a lap dance which was so annoying because she's like this tall dumb blond girl who was a little awkward.

I was eyeing this stripper who had a really hot body. She's blond, pretty petite but she had abs and the sexiest cute round butt along with her baby looking face.
My cousin set Han and I up for a lap dance with her.
They brought us to a special room and she started on me first then on Han next.
It was quite an experience though. :) Her name's Chissy.

There was this other Indian looking stripper but she's actually Australian with some Spanish blood. She's just so hot! My naughty cousin set her up with his girlfriend's brother who was eyeing her the entire time she was dancing on stage.

It was weird having naked girls walking around so confidently in their platform stilettos though.



Today we went to the city to get some stuff because everything was close yesterday and will be close tomorrow too because of Good Friday and Easter.
We went to so many vintage 2nd stores just to check them out.

(This is like a shelf full of coke stuff coming back from years ago.)

the first month

Yesterday was our one month anniversary.
It felt as though its been a long time yet only a month has passed.
We've only met each other for a month plus but it feel as though we knew each other for a while.



From me. (much be hella surprised right? seeing me as such a "banana")

From him.
It seems so cheesy but I guess it's good to celebrate these kinda things to show how much we appreciate each other.

the 101th post

In days which are so crystal clear, the haze comes passing through.

In days where everything seems perfectly fine, the sun will stop shining.

In days where you have quiet moments, a crowd comes rushing through.

In days where I was so sure, a single doubt will come to my mind.


Just don't forget the past.
Remember how it started.
Remember what made it good.
Remember that you'll find it back.
Remember what made you happy in the very first place.

i got soul but I'm not a soldier

Yesterday V Festival was unbelievable!
Four stages from 1-10pm... We caught Duffy, M83, Razorlight, Kaisr Chiefs, Snow Patrol and The Killers!!!

There were so many more artists but we did not have time to slot them in. Going on for so many hours with only a total of 2 hours break in between for food and toilet.We arrived a lil late but just in time to catch Duffy. She sounds so good live! Its really true that she has such a powerful and unique voice.

M83 was held in a covered area so it was a whole experience. It seriously felt a slight bit of what I felt during live trance DJ events because I was like standing right in front, being able to have the first hand of everything.
We caught a little bit of Razorlight and Kaiser Chiefs but our bladders couldn't withstand staying any longer. While watching all the locals being so hyped up about them, you'll have no no doubt on them being such good performers.It was already dark when Snow Patrol and The Killers came. Snow Patrol's performance was really magical. They played a lot of their all time famous singles with beautiful visuals on the screen and they were just such good crowd entertainers.
The Killers was the biggest event of the day being the last, the longest and having the biggest crowd. They played a mixture of old and new songs... Most of them are familiar to me because I had their old album. Really regretted not following them since high school but they seriously made me fall in love with them all over again.

I brought my camera with literally No Battery. Stupidly, I really left the battery at home, forgetting to remove it from the charger so I couldn't really get good pictures which was a huge disappointment as a lot of pictures were actually much more close up.
On and on, it was thoroughly worth all my money I spent including buying 2 t-shirts.. :)

We didn't spend on booze at all though because they night before we've been drinking at a friends place while munching on tons of junk.
I finally weight myself too, my heart almost dropped outta my chest when I looked at the scale for the results.

the hurtful fall

Let's just say that you're paddling along the rivers...
The waves are really mild, you're starting to really enjoying the breeze and the atmosphere.
While taking your own sweet time, not rushing the moment and hoping that it'll last forever, it seem like the more you paddle, the waves starts to get strong, the winds starts to blow faster, pushing you further and further forward along river bank...
Then when you finally turn your head straight ahead, you realized that the river is starting to end to a cliff, falling slowly to a huge waterfall.
You know somehow know it'll reach this point where everybody will soon jump off and enjoy the big splash below but instead, you end up hitting the rocks, bleeding through and drown.

It's difficult to even think of going on the second ride. It's even tougher to even think about the last pain you had to go through.
Even if you were convinced to go again, you can't help but hold back. Guarding your mind and heart that there might be a possibility that it might hurt again.
It seems pretty unfair as you wouldn't be able to fully enjoy the moment when it really comes to be a blissfully nice splash, being able to feel the fast adrenaline rush to your head and basically the whole experience.

You tell yourself to let go. Let go off the fear, let go of that bad subconscious feeling that might happen to you but not matter how hard you try, it keeps coming back to you, secretly whispering into you ears, trickling down your veins, scaring the shit outta you...

guilty pleasures

Its funny how we always had principles on things. Whether it be about how we do certain things, how we should carry ourselves, how we should love, how we should connect to others, how we should earn respect from others, etc.. etc...

Sooner or later we realize that we're always changing in terms of mindsets. Things being bad doesn't seem too bad anymore.. Things being good seem to be dull and boring. Then we start being all confuse again, back to when we were kids when we were used to listening to our parents differentiating the good and bad.

Half way through it, the guilt comes in then we're finally numb...

busy long weekend

It's been a busy and fun weekend as usual.
Friday, we went to Chadstone to buy necessities and I spent a little too much again changing my facial products. I'm not too sure whether its the weather or the lousy products I was using or maybe just my hormones going wild but little pimples and black heads are starting to pop up again especially on my chin and its really getting on my nerves.
That night, my cousin suddenly called us to join them for some shisha'ing at the city.
It's in Lygon St at Min Zaman (a lebanese restaurant), one that thoroughly specialises in shishas.


















They even had belly dances for entertainment but that night we got the butt ugly one. The services was pretty crappy but the shisha's were superb! Never thought I would enjoy them as much.
That night we took the Night Rider straight home from the city itself. We were so chilled out that night, scrolling along the streets eating Mc Donald' french fries while watching all the young adults acting like fools on the street. Some were half drunk, some were just high and some were even screaming outta their cars at others for no reason but it was just a different atmosphere pass midnight. The city was still very much alive.



















The next day we were suppose to celebrate my housemate's birthday at Luna Park, near St Kilda beach.
They were all late because they went clubbing until 6am so we chilled along the beach watching people sun bathing and playing with sand. It was really sunning yet it was still very chilly.

That night we were suppose to go to the city for Earth Hour but we were dead tired so we planned to check out Uni instead because they were having African dances and juggles and stuff.
In spite of that, we ended up at Han's friend's place drinking VB and chatting the night away. hee...

I had such bad cravings for all sorts of food yesterday so I had to work my butt out at the gym today.
337 calories gone.. All on the cross trainer and bicycle. I never enjoyed doing cardio workouts and always avoided it by doing weights. Oh well, being such a fat ass.. I better start working on it.

I heart my Uni

Sometimes, I think my UNI is super cool.
They have things like Survivor Week for fresh students to survive the beginning of UNI life so they won't be too stress over the environment change.

They had like a pre-loved items and cheap bargains sale on the common lawn yesterday. It was so cool because they had like tons of vintage stuff, cheap winter accessories, 2nd hand DVD's and funky handmade accessories.
I bought a pair like a pre-loved Doc Martens' eye boots, two sunnies and 3 pairs of knee length woolen socks to wear with my boots.. :)
They were even giving out free Pizza's and massages as well as carrying out Yoga classes in the middle of the field.
Today, they had self defence classes.

The Monster booksale is on again...
Basically I managed to scan the whole stall twice, looking through unique and cheap books that they don't usually have at home.
Only bought a novel and found a really hip book which is about the history of the Hip Hop Generations which I knew Han would love.

I'm so happy the Gryph Inn Bar & Bristro has finally reopened again.
At least now there's like another decent place to chill on campus other than Mama Duke's.

Don't you think my UNI is super cool.. :D

This saturday is going to be earth hour where they're gonna switch off all the electricity for an hour. We're still deciding on whether to gather in UNI or the city.
It's gonna be an awesome weekend again.

tagged

001. Real Name: Cheah Su Jen
002. Nickname(s): Jen, nippie
003. Age: 19yrs 8 months 17days
004. Horoscope: Gemini (the twins)
005. Gender: female
006. Elementary: Some dumb kindy at Larkin. It has already been abolished a couple of years back already
007. Primary School: SRK Infant Jesus Convent J.B.
008. Secondary School: SMK Infant Jesus Convent J.B. (pure convent girl.. :)
009. College: Sunway University College (did Ausmat there)
010. Hair Colour: extremely dark... brown. Pretty much close to black. (all natural)
011. Hair Length: pretty long but not too long. somewhere at my bra strap level
012. Loud or Quiet: hmmm... Seriously I think more I'm more to the quiet side. Only with close friends, I can get pretty chirpy
013. Sweats or Jeans : leggings and tight jeans. (big tights need them)
014. Phone or Camera: phone... all accessible
015. Health Freak: cautious but not a freak (first things first, I hate vegetables)
016. Drink or Smoke: drink :) hee hee. Never smoke before. only shisha...
017. Do you have a crush on someone: currently, no.
018. Eat or Drink: This is hard. I drink lotsa water though. I love to eat but I hate feeling guilty after.
019. Piercings: 3 on the right ear, 2 on the left (1 more at the top was covered) & my navel. ;)
020. Tattoos: ooohhhh.... been thinking of getting one for quite a while. still a virgin on this.
021. Social or Anti-Social: hmmm.... really depends on my mood.
022. Righty or lefty: pure righty in everyway. my left is retarded but I do try sometimes
023. First piercing: when I was in sec 2 I think, started then and went on & on after that
024. First relationship: erm, I think we finally became official when I was on College. It happened in a taxi. lol
025. First Best Friend: It should be from kindy. I have a feeling it was my made up kindy "boy-friend"
026. First Award: It was in Club Med. I was only 5 or 6 I think. Got 2nd place in archery. Was so proud because I hit a bulls-eye but it dropped off. I was the youngest in the club too. :)
027. First Kiss: lol.. real kiss? It form 5 I think. At the staircases of a shopping mall. (how embarrassing *blushing)
028. First Pet: fishes... !!! tons and tons of them in different colours.
029. First Big Vacation: Definitely Singapore when I was young. Went there every weekend with my parents. Back then, I thought it was a nice family day trip. Nowadays, its just for casual shopping. lol
030. First Love at first sight: I don't quite believe that you could just fall in love with somebody by looks. You gotta know the person a little first even if sparks were already flying at the first glance.
031. First Big Birthday: My 16th birthday party at my house. I remember we had a bbq, big cake and there were tons of soft drinks and beer sprayed around my head.
032. First Surgery: None. I'm a healthy kid.
033. First sport you joined: When I was young, my parents put me in the swimming pool before I could even walk. The rest was history.

This or That
034. Orange or Apple juice: I hate apples. (maybe because my parents love them so much and knowing the amount of nutrition it'll give you)
035. Rock or Rap: The only rap singer who I really fell in love with was the legendary Eminem but I've always been a fan of Modern/ Alternative Rock. Always been... :)
036. Country or Screamo: erm..more on Country/Folk. Screamo is good when I'm in a pissy mood
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: More of a Westlife fan last time. lol
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: My first album was Hit Me Baby one more time but I've always known that Christina was the better singer. Britney is just drama.. drama. drama baby.
039. Night or Day: Evening... :)
040. Sun or Moon: Sun sets...
041. TV or Internet: TV I can live without... Internet? I'll die without.
042. Playstation or xbox: Never played xbox. Grew up with a brother who is PS crazy
043. Kiss or hug: oh... another hard one.. Hugs are really really really comforting but kiss.. ohh.. ;)
044. Iguana or turtle: turtles, definitely. so cute can die.
045. Spider or bee: erm... not a fan of either one
046. Fall or spring: love the flowers in spring... autumn makes me feel v mellow.
047. Limewire or iTunes: Limewire to download my music. I use iTunes to play em so its thoroughly 2 different things
048. Soccer or baseball: Softball for life!!!


Currently
049. Eating: had a bananananana....
050. Drinking: water.. always have my bottle beside me
051. Excitement level: kinda stoning... it's still early here.
052. I'm about to: hopefully get into the mood to do my work
053. Listening to: fan spinning.. Chessy Macy Grey on my itunes
054. Plan for today: Today is suppose to be my work day. been playing too much.
055. Waiting for: Han is call me and complain to him bout my shelve casing.
056. Energy Level: I'm just plain lazy now
057. Thinking of someone: yea... always.. :)
058. Want kids?:yes.. :)
059. Want to get married?: Of course. When the timing is right and when I'm deeply in love with that special someone and feeling so sure bout the future
060. When?: When I've enjoyed my youth and when I'm stable in my carrier.
061. How many kids do you want: 3... no more, no less
062. Any name on the mind: I've always thought of supermodel names for my girls like Giselle, Adriana and so on... lol.
063. What did you want to do: update my photos on facebook..
065. Mellow future or wild: wild... wild.. wild... until when I had enough, mellow
066. Something you would never try: hmmm... eat my shit
067. When do you want to die: When I'm satisfied with life

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like(in the future)
068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
069. Romantic or Funny?: Funny I guess but the romance has to stay too...
070. Shorter or Taller?: taller... no doubt about this. I myself aint tall... (like what my mama said, the first & main thing is that "he" has to be tall)
071. Protective or Caring?: caring.. I cant stand someone being too sticky and stops me from doing things I want
072. Romantic or Spontaneous?: Spontaneous... sigh but I still want the romance.. once in a while...
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: arms... *melts but I wouldn't want him to have a big tummy..
074. Sensitive or Loud?: I can't stand loud LOUD people. not too sensitive too
075. Hook-up or Relationship?: Relationship... :) I can't do hook ups unless I'm totally depressed or something
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: A pinch of naughtiness.
077. Muscular or normal: Muscular... yumm yumm.. but not too much
078. Kissed a stranger: no yet..
079. Broken a bone: A normal guy would be good
080. Glasses or contacts: I'm not a fan of guys having glasses... at all. lol. so contacts, puh-lease...
081. Ran away from home: I love a family guy. no running away, ok?
082. Held a gun/knife for self defence: not into gangsters... unless he's trying to save my life. lol
083. Killed somebody: Not that into those kinda really BAD boys.
084. Broken some one's heart: not mine then it's ok..
085. Had your heart broken: like what I said above..
086. Been arrested: nothing too terrible would be good. I myself aint perfect either.
087. Cried when someone died: perfectly fine....
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: only if it's me.. (sounds so selfish huh?)

Do you believe in
089. Yourself: yea... like most of the time
090. Miracles: I didn't at first but I'm starting to
091. Love at first sight: No... like I said, you gotta know that person.. see whether you guys get along. Plus, I'm really fussy and picky
092. Heaven: I think so...
093. Santa Claus: Bull-shit..
094. Tooth Fairy: for the 1st 8 years of my life, I really did. My parents did a fantastic job on that.
095. Kiss in the first date: lol... yea if the attraction is unbearable
096. Angels: erm... not really..

Answer Truthfully
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now? : yea.. :) always...
098. Are you seriously happy with where you're in life now?: i would give it a rating of 8/10... pretty happy indeed.
099. Do you believe in God? : I think so... I know there's just something out there that's bigger than us.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

in god's eyes, we all stars

Yesterday we were out the whole day.
Caught He's Just Not That Into You at Melbourne Central. It wasn't too bad... Pretty much like a pinch of Sex and the City and a slice of Love Actually.

After that we went to Melbourne Music Academy for the 5 on 5 break and 2 on 2 Hip Hop Competition.
It was unbelievable!
There was like Hip Hop, Popping and Krumping performances by the judge and the Philippine All Stars crew and others...
Seriously, the technical and creativity of these dances are superb! It can easily beat those I've seen back home hands down!!! No doubt about it....

That night we had dinner and drinks at Han's cousin's place. :)

self-declared holiday

Today was the VIP Winter Shopping at Chadstone. It started from 9am-10pm
It only happens twice as year so how could I resist???



The only thing that stopped me from shopping was when I ran outta cash and my feet started to hurt from the walking in my boots.

Han got his left eyebrow pierced today because all services in Essential Beauty was 50% off and accessories were at ridiculously low prices so I gladly changed my navel stud too. :)