Thursday, February 18, 2010

in sheer ecstasy, we become unaware of where or what we are

Bi-curious is a term used to refer to someone who does not identify as bisexual or homosexual but feels or shows some curiosity in a relationship or sexual activity with someone of the same sex. The term can also apply to a person who generally identifies as homosexual but feels or shows some interest in having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Bisexuality is sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical or romantic attraction to both males and females. It is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation, along with a heterosexual and a homosexual orientation. Individuals who lack a strong sexual attraction to either sex are known as asexual.


So yea, I realised that outta all the uncertainty and curiosity, on average, most people are bi-curious to a certain degree and probably not as bisexual than they thought they were, speaking off all the typical failed bisexual high school/ college experiments.
After watching a couple of recorded videos of personal experiences Youtube, one of which included a black woman talking about how highly bi-curious she was that she would just be so into girls enough do them but not have deep sexual feelings but always craving for them. However, she still admits that she would still prefer guys in the end.

What was more astounding was that I saw a real transgender who thoroughly enjoy fucking both men and women who was being interviewed by Skyy John himself. She or he,( ok maybe Shim) already had her/his boobs done which are just humongous and he/her still has a dick and was wearing a mini skirt when he/she was being interviewed. Worse still, he/she is a porn star! Skyy showed a couple of clips of her which did prove that she had a bit of the air going on but you would definitely suspect that there's something awkward about how too indulged she is in impressing the viewers. (that was from my senses)
It's disgusting to imagine them having sex. (as in transgender) I'm sure there's tons of videos which I have never dared to watch on free random porn websites. (then again, maybe I should for once).

For me to look down on them like that is simply cruel. I understand that they are human beings like any one of us but having a female sex organ on top and a male one at the bottom?! Sex for them must feel like at a whole different experience.
At times, I feel disappointed that I feel so disgusted sometimes and sadder for all those people out there who thoroughly don't accept them and see them as some sort of creature/animal/sinful beings from hell. Then again, what bout drag queens, transvestites, cross dressers, androgyne, girlfags and guydykes? Seems that there's a lotta more to digest than I thought...

Sunday, February 14, 2010

following me in shame ever since you sang me a lullaby

We don't get to choose who we are related to nor do we get to have a direct confrontation of detestation towards them or ignore them because we'll still have to face them at least once a year. That's my only option for now, not until maybe I find my other half.

It sickens me how mature we thought an adult should be, could still act as childish as 10 year old. It sickens me to see how ignorant and disabled someone could be given the circumstances that have been independently living without parents and earning their own living for decades. It sickens me more how close to me they could be and yet I can't do anything about it without hurting someone back.

Worse thing is it scares me knowing that I'm not far from tripping and falling so low like that if I take the wrong step or make a wrong turn in life. For choosing or letting go of options placed directly in front of me or even options that are required an extra effort to find out.

I admit, I'm afraid of regrets and making mistakes. I know in a couple of years, even months, everybody will move on. Some will find out that their future paths will be a smooth ride on, some will find short cuts or bumps or even road blocks.
Everybody is will grow up, everybody will move on but even if I'm left behind in the working world, I know it wouldn't matter because I'll be right along them on a different road ahead...


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

we are all greedy

When is enough ever gonna be enough?